A Marathon for Hope

It's been months since I last had time and willingness to leave my thoughts here for you. In the meantime many things happened. Life happened. I am finally at a point where I can breathe, I can feel alive again, ready to face everything and ready to grab life with both hands. New life, new house, new hopes, new me. I have the world to discover, I have this life to live, finally! Let it all come, I am out of the hole, back into the light, brighter than I've ever seen it before.
After a tough end of year, I found the courage to break free and make it happen for myself. 2017 is, has been and will continue to be my year: I moved out, I found myself a place to live in peace, I bought those little things one buys at the start of a new journey in life and what a joy! My own cups to delight myself with a cup of tea in my window where I sunbathe for as long as I want, on my own chair, in my own time, listening to my beloved music, no one to tell me to be quiet and submissive - those small, precious liberties we forget should be ours, never to give away for anyone!
I then thought I can run a half marathon, because if I wanted, I could. And I did! I started training hard and in March I ran the Eton&Windsor Half Marathon. Just a few months before I thought it wasn't for all mortals to achieve something like that, but you know what? It is, those banal words that say "All you have to do is want it!" are actually true.
Then something else happened and put everything into perspective, once again, clearer than ever. News about a dear friend being diagnosed with breast cancer reached me. It shook my world, it made me realise how we only live once and we have a duty to ourselves to make the most of the little or long time we are given. It made me reflect on how precious life truly is, on how so very often we take it for granted, how we forget to treasure every day and make it the best yet, how we allow the bad and the negative into our life and think it's ok to live with it. I felt a sudden urge to show her my support, to let her see she doesn't have to go through this on her own, to make her feel that hope I was clinging to myself and to show her how much I wanted her to stay positive and believe in herself.  I knew how strong will can help you come out of impossible situations, as they may seem. She needed a reminder of how strong she really is - of how strong we all really are.
I searched for the nearest marathon and it didn't scare me it was happening so soon. I just said to myself that I'll keep training and I'll have to make it, there wasn't anything in the world stopping me. It's incredible what strength a deep fall can instill in us. I simply felt I could do it and there was no two ways about it. My friend needed to see that happening in order for her to keep believing in herself. If I could run a marathon, she could fight her battle as well.
The energy on that day was incredible - the buzz, the thrill, the fright, the excitement, the responsibility one feels on one's shoulders when running for a cause - a mix of emotions that can not be accurately described, but has to be experienced. I had never ran 42 km ever before - the most I did in my training was 35 km. My body didn't know what that kind of effort actually meant (I did almost collapse on my 35 Km training session, on my own, with only one small bottle of water and no sugar source to renew my energy - a mindless decision to train like that!), but my mind was so determined that I didn't take into account for a second the possibility of me not finishing, no matter what. We need that frame of mind to take us out of challenging situations that might look like dead end roads. They're not! We have it in us, we simply can if we put our mind to it. I had to show Elena that, I had to give her HOPE that she can do it too, she CAN defeat cancer and I know she WILL.
It wasn't a walk in the park - it was exhausting, it was arduous, grueling, excruciating and it seemed an infinite and lonely journey, when my body was aching terribly, when I almost fainted again at mile 23, when my toenails were ravaged and my knee and ankle were painfully consumed and damaged, but the thought of my friend gave me strength, the thought of the few people that truly love me and supported me on that day kept me going, the wonderful people on the side encouraging me with signs saying "I'm proud of you, random stranger!", the voices reading the message on my t-shirt "Keep fighting, Elena!" gave me wings and made this day the most memorable in recent years! I will never forget the spirit that animated me on those long hours in an unexpected burning sun and I just know I brought HOPE back into my friend's life and mine.
Sun burnt and completely drained, I made it home; cold sores and blisters, bad knee that will take months to recover, wobbly ankle that aches at very step, lost toenails - they're all my beautiful signs of victory and hope. I made it, Elena. We made it! Hope is here to stay! You're here to continue enjoying life. Make the most of it and I'll remind myself to do the same.
If you want to show your support to my cause - and every little truly helps -, you can donate here:
https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/viorica-grigorescu

Looking forward

I’m so happy to say “Hello!” to you again, my dears. I almost have the blank page blockage, considering how long it’s been since I last had the time to write anything. I have been busy living, my life has taken a turn that requires all of my time and dedication, but I am happy and thrilled. I was finally offered a full time, permanent job in education and I’m a fully recognised teacher in England, which has been my goal since I moved to this country. I didn’t have time to drink the champagne or go out for dinner to celebrate that, because I’ve been swimming in seas of paper work and climbing mountains of books to mark, but, hey, great things are great because they require all of your energy and achieving anything with effort makes it worthwhile and so much more gratifying.

Tomorrow is Christmas and the year is about to end. For me this has been the best year ever. I have accomplished marvellous things - I started this blog, I went on an epic, unforgettable road trip, I won a poetry competition with a trip abroad attached, I had all my diplomas recognised in the UK, I obtained my full time, permanent job as a teacher and I didn’t want this year (that my Mum predicted was going to be MY YEAR) to end without me taking the tests for my British citizenship. So I did. I scheduled it 2 days before Christmas, because that’s just so me: I couldn’t relax and enjoy anything knowing that I still had one thing on my mind. I left my house lamenting for my attention, I postponed the making of our traditional “sarmale” (stuffed cabbage), without which our winter celebrations are inconceivable, I took Anita with me promising her a fun day in Exeter and after a sleepless night, all packed with “Life in the UK” tests, we embarked on the train - my daughter’s most recent passion (yes, she finally overcame the anxiety of travelling by train and she’s now loving it).

The sun was invading the cabin through the train window and all I could think of was that it HAD to be a great day, I had to pass the exam and end the year positively. I arrived at the testing centre an hour early, I went in straight away, I took the test in less than half the time allocated, because I simply couldn’t wait another second. Then, there I was, out of the room, with the receptionist holding the paper with my result in her hand, telling me that it was her birthday and that she would get home in Southampton at 8 pm, where her daughter was waiting for her with a nice cake. “But ... did I pass?” I whispered timidly. Time felt suspended in the air for a few long moments and then she smiled gently and replied “Oh, yes, sure you did my dear!” I felt like jumping up and down with joy, but instead I continued listening to her stories about visiting my country 25 years ago and how awful it looked, how she had found our people hospitable and kind. Our conversation ended with me promoting my country, inviting her to go visit it again with the certainty she’ll find it completely changed, although in my heart I know we still need a century or two to get to where I'd like it to be. I couldn’t wait to grab my paper and run out to tell Anita the good news.

A big hug outside, as soon as we met again, smiles and high fives and then she switched quickly to "Lets' do some shopping". You see, she doesn’t quite grasp the fact that 25 years ago I was her age and I was coming out of an era when I didn’t even dare dream I could go out of the country, I could visit any place abroad, I could talk to people that were living outside our borders. She doesn’t understand that I accomplished a dream that seemed impossible and now I am/ we are a small step away (1800 pounds for me and her) from becoming citizens of a country I have always loved and admired. A memorable day for me, a day out shopping in Exeter for her. She’s relieved she won’t have to do all this “test thing” herself though and I’m happy I can spare her from it. I think she deserves to enjoy a serene, happy teenage, just like all her British friends and feel she’s equal to them in every way.

We bought a few items on sale, admired the shops’ vintage décor, enjoyed the Christmas decorations in Exeter, took a few cute pictures that I’ll allow you to take a peek at here and then the rain sent us home. Back on the train, back home, back to reality. I can finally relax for a couple of days and enjoy the festive season. No Christmas tree this year, but I feel I have baubles and fairy lights in me. Very few decorations in my house, but I sparkle inside. Happy festivities, darlings! I hope you had a good year as well and I wish you all a serene, tranquil Christmas, with your dear ones near you or in your hearts. My heart is full of joy and love and I embrace this warm feeling that I’d like to take with me in the year to come. I am looking forward. I’m so looking forward to all the other great things I’ll bring in my life next year, because I do believe it’s up to us to make good things happen if we strive and persevere. Ho, Ho, Ho and holidays to remember to you all!

P.S. I was wearing Wrangler jeans, my one and only Christmas jumper inherited from Anita who stopped liking it and an adorable little jacket from United Colours of Benetton that I bought in Italy. Casual for a day out shopping, accessorised with a big and heart-felt smile for a very memorable achievement. J